She was a shattered woman, broken, destroyed by her childhood trauma.

Wearing her sadness like a widow’s black vail.

Her never-ending tears often fell and she was comfortless.

She’d hibernate for hours or even days.

Ever marinating in her self-doubt and loathing.

She occasionally contemplated taking her life and it frightened me.

Some forms of darkness cannot allow any light in, like wooden shutters closed during the daylight.

She couldn’t love me, she wasn’t capable.

So I loved for us both but that wasn’t unsustainable and was infinitely exhausting.

It took a tole on my soul and health, nearly destroying me in the process.

Her sudden and unexpected infidelities ended us and our ten year relationship.

Which shockingly hollowed me out inside.

Hard lessons learned, no matter how much you love someone, you cannot make them love themselves, let alone you…

-aaa