Category: Relationships

Three Things Challenge M713

Anthony3 Comments
Three Things Challenge #M713

Love, it can get Messy

Crash burn fizzle and fry

Each time we give love a try.

–

It’s very messy stuff you see

Between people such as you and me.

–

We try our best with the best inventions

But it all goes “tilt”, even with good intentions.

–

Yet once again we reach out try

To find mutual love before we die.

–

Some says it’s simple like nouns or gerunds

Though to me, I still feel it’s fools errand.

–

It’s truly more than holding and kissing

We’re trying to find that part of us that’s missing.

–

So venture out, and make new friends

With hope our foolish quests, one day will end….

-aaa

Ideal Qualities of a Friend

Anthony10 Comments

What quality do you value most in a friend?

This is another excellent question. In a way I can kind of answer it by explaining what I don’t want or I’d rather the opposite of what I don’t want.

Qualities and a good friend include:

Empathy

Listening

Honesty

Trust

Generosity

Fun

Silliness

Altruism

Mutualism

Symbiosis

These ingredients, make for great friendships and enhance all of our lives.

Thank you as always for reading… 😊

-aaa

Three Things Challenge M705

Anthony17 Comments

Your three words today are:
INITIAL
INDICATE
INSTRUCT

Three Things Challenge #M705

Thank you as always, Pensivity101 I love these challenges.

Intuition Heartbreak

Your initial instructions led to my deductions

I wish there were more to say

Think to myself, and utilized the impressions

That you were throwing me away.

–

Intuition indicates your feelings for me weren’t true

And I myself feel a fool for loving you…

-aaa

FOWC With Fandango

Anthony1 Comment

Today’s Word of the day is Captivated.

FOWC with Fandango — Captivated

She was Beauty

She stood before me wearing nothing but her gumption.

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I was captivated by her beauty.

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My eyes had a heart attack.

–

I forced a gulp back down my throat.

–

I quickly replaced the breath that was taken away.

–

She was here for me now, as vulnerable as anyone could ever be.

–

My heart leaped in my chest.

–

Being a poet, and an author, I tried to find the right words to say.

–

The only words I could put together were “you are beauty” as I stuttered them aloud…

-aaa

She Wanted…

Anthony8 Comments

She wanted to be pleased

So I obliged her.

–

She wanted to feel safe

So I protected her.

–

She wanted to feel love

So I loved her.

–

She wanted to be taken

So I took her.

–

She wanted to be excited

So I excited her.

–

She wanted to be delighted.

So I delighted her.

–

She wanted appreciation

So I appreciated her.

–

She wanted to relaxation

So I relaxed her.

–

She wanted to be desired

So I desired her.

–

She wanted to be admired

So I admired her.

–

She wanted peace

So I calmed her.

–

She wanted to share vulnerability

So I trusted her.

–

She wanted to be kissed

So I kissed her.

–

She wanted to be missed

So I missed her.

–

She wanted to belong

So I held her.

–

She wanted to be strong

So I strengthened her.

–

She wanted to be free

So I freed her…

-aaa

Not To Marry Anymore

AnthonyLeave a comment

The brightness of my life

Gets dimmer with each wife.

–

To maintain my Zen

I’ll never marry again.

–

It’s ok I have learned a lot

I appreciate all that I’ve got.

–

Thank you for reading this little ditty

As I live happiness instead of self-pity…

-aaa

BFF, BEF Or BFE

Anthony4 Comments

You displace your anger and frustration all over me. Why? Does it make you feel better to kick me in the teeth.

–

Apparently it does. Whatever eases you, my friend.

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We’ve known each other now for how long? Thirty-nine years and you never change.

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It’s always what you feel and what you know And anything falls outside of that bothers you, including me.

–

So rather than let me be me it bothers you. So you have to cut me down and make me change into something to conform and contort into another shape.

–

You label me a sheep among wolves. Do you really know me that well?

–

I’ve opened up to you and told you more than I told almost anyone. And yet, you still hold me in such contempt.

–

I think it would hurt me except, I just don’t fit into the mold that you want

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Yeah, you try to group me in with all these other morons. Because it makes it easier for you more palpable.

–

You get me angry to get me to react. That’s totally gaslighting. Then you get on my case for being mad.

–

I wonder if you even know that you’re doing it? I don’t think you do I think you do it unconsciously.

–

Well, I’m sure after this exchange we won’t talk for weeks, or months, or ever. But I will never standby and let you trash me ever again…

-aaa

Word of The Day “Neglected”

Anthony4 Comments
Neglected

Four Quatrains of Neglect

Oppressed husband and cruel life – Steemit

I felt quite neglected

It’s just that simple

Didn’t receive love as expected

Instead of a wave, a ripple

–

I adored you every day

And do many little things

That’s why I feel dismay

That inequality brings

–

I told you truth

And dealt with your vice

You were always were uncouth

With your pack of lies

–

As I pay this final alimony

It hurts me like a knife

A manipulating phony

And never quite a wife…

-aaa

I’m Gone

Anthony6 Comments

Use me

abuse me

and you’ll lose me

–

Flake me

Fake me

And you’ll mistake me

–

Hurt me

Shirk me

And I’ll dessert thee

–

Push me

Prod me

And flog me.

–

I thought you were the one

Instead you used me for fun

And now I’m done…

-aaa

No Happy Endings Aka The Leftovers

AnthonyLeave a comment

For some of us, there are no happy endings

No twenty year anniversaries to celebrate

Instead, divorces with alimonies pending

Leaves us remaining of in a frazzled state.

–

Some were high school sweethearts

Or college friends from long ago

Many of which lead to two happy hearts

While the rest of us are just status quo.

–

What did we do that was so wrong?

To end up with such gruesome loves

I guess we sang to a different song

With circling vultures instead of doves.

–

We try our best to not have envy

Watching you all celebrate

Hold it together as best we can be

Looking only to ourselves, to appreciate.

–

A pure love that we all read about

That is what your lives have shown

Selflessness and sacrifice in large amount

Those things, from others, we’ve never known.

–

So please remember us, solitary souls

As your anniversary years accrue

As we’re finding all the answers alone

Remember, you’re lucky, that someone truly loves you…

-AAA 05/17/2024

Taking on today’s Word of the day which is  “Cheat”

Anthony6 Comments

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2024/05/16/cheat/

IF I EVER THOUGHT THEY YOU’D CHEAT

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I never would’ve loved you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I’d’ve known I was miles above you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I never would’ve proposed to you.

–

If I’d ever thought you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have given the most to you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t’ve given flowers to you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have given hours to you .

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have given my soul to you.

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If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have given control to you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have given my heart to you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t even start with you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have married you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have carried you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t have fought for you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t’ve spent or bought for you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I wouldn’t of been a friend to you.

–

If I ever thought that you’d cheat,

then I’d sooner end it with you.

-AAA 05/17/2024

Ghosted And Dropped

Anthony11 Comments

In this time of crying.

You don’t see me there.

Gasping, choking, sighing.

Desperately, grasping for air.

–

Why did you leave me?

Where did you go?

Why must you deceive me?

I am reeling from the blow.

–

What did I do?

That wasn’t good enough.

Why weren’t you true?

This deception was rough.

–

All of your kisses.

Truly didn’t mean a thing.

My perceived hits were misses.

Hence, I was never your king.

–

I thought you were my forever.

Forever, plus a day.

In reality you were never.

Ever intending to stay.

–

First, you started ghosting.

Avoiding me in chat.

Barely responding to my posting.

You left me hard and flat.

–

You said you couldn’t love me.

When I told you “I love you”.

Your rejection, just crushed me.

At the time knowing not what I’d do.

–

So I bitterly reminisce you.

Now that you’re long gone.

And I’ll never again kiss you.

As you used me like a pawn…

-aaa

Know Your Worth!

Anthony6 Comments

Many people have no rhyme or reason

They’re there for a week or maybe a season

–

You value their time but you’re just a choice

In the scheme of things you have no voice

–

You have strong feelings and you’re never late

Though you’re not their first choice for a date

–

As you wait, you chomp at the fetter

Wishing that they’d like you better

–

But nothing changes and you’re to blame

For staying an option and playing their games

–

Knowing they’re out with someone else

While you gather dust upon a shelf

–

You have much better things to do

And enjoying people who think so too

–

Be yourself and you’ll never finish last

Now discount your troubled past

–

Come back to a better living

Happy with your life of giving

–

Worry not, that the world has turned

Remember the lessons you have learned

–

Know you’re worth and don’t accept less

A future where you’re someone’s best

–

Take these words to heart and run

As now it’s your turn to have some fun…

-aaa

Separate Ways

Anthony5 Comments

We had gone as far as we could.

Said all that we could say.

We can do no further good.

So neither of us want to stay.

–

Our last words are being said.

Along with a deep firm hug.

For one last time I held her head.

Feeling my heart give that familiar tug.

–

The times we had were very hard.

Many situations were each unfair.

Our story mapped on a crooked chart.

Painful times we both did share.

–

As I hold her for the last time.

Fresh warm tears stain my face.

Break-ups are horrible like the scene of a crime.

Pain, ruin, and destruction all over the place.

–

What was the final cause?

I’m not sure if we’ll ever know.

Many bad circumstances we tripped across.

Never finding any stability or flow.

–

We share heartfelt goodbyes.

And many “I’m sorries” in our embrace.

We let go, I give kiss her forehead as she cries.

I softly wipe the tears streaking down her face.

–

The life we shared now at an end.

And the memories of it today, are just a haze.

Once we were lovers, but now distant friends.

Parting, each we go our separate ways…

-aaa

A love that Almost Was…

Anthony6 Comments

Fire was in your eyes.

Embers spreading from your soul.

Fire’s out of control.

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Love was in your heart.

Sweetest dreams were in your mind.

The passionate kind.

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Gentle was your touch.

Your soft hands are everywhere.

Touched my face and hair.

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Quite warm was your smile.

It would stop and melt my heart.

Adored from the start.

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Velvet was your skin.

Silky-soft freckled and tan.

I once as your man.

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So girly your laugh.

Higher pitched and very sweet.

Your humor a treat.

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I’m so glad we met.

Those times I’ll never forget.

I have no regrets…

-aaa

Caresses

Anthony7 Comments

“Touch me very softly”, she said

So I caressed her precious head

–

Running my fingers through hair

I can hear her gently sigh

Her feelings safe with none to fear

She closes both of her eyes

–

She drifts and floats to welcomed sleep

I hold her and her breathing is deep

–

She has a dream of a crystal clear lake

And the waters ebb in gentle waves

I have my dream, but I am awake

Receiving the love that my heart craves

–

She awakens well rested after a while

And I continue to hold her with a smile…

-aaa ❤️

Mirror Souls

AnthonyLeave a comment

Two hearts will be one

The time is now to have fun

Eyes bright, like the sun

–

Soft warm hazel eyes

Perfect legs and luscious thighs

My heart grows a size

–

No rush times my friend

Fun filled times without an end

Physics warps and bends

–

Time slows down our view

I know, crazy but it’s true

It happens with you

–

You feel like I do

Like you always wanted to

Bright futures a view

–

Trust in yourself now

Don’t worry about the how

Keep a solum vow

–

Dancing in the rain

No need to feel any pain

You’re yourself again

-aaa

The Final Arrest of my Half-Wife (11/30/14)

AnthonyLeave a comment

She was arrested, again and if looks like she won’t be home for close to a year this time. I’m exhausted, scared, furious and frustrated.

—-

I left work early and met with her probation officer and found out what had happened. This is the seventh time she’s been picked up for shoplifting.

—-

This time, her probation was revoked because she broke almost every rule. She had a large purse, several bags and canvas bags with various items in them in her suv. This was after she told her PO that she was behaving. A surprise inspection led to the arrest.

—-

I plead her case even spending over an hour in her car going through all the bags and producing enough receipts from each to satisfy the officer which I did. I explained her health issues and PTSD she suffered the past abuse she had suffered also. I practically begged her but to no avail.

—-

I was instructed to return to the county jail to obtain the possessions that were on her person when she was arrested. I knew this would unfortunately mean 😢 I’d have to return with her mother.

—-

Later we make our way to the county jail. After repeatedly comforting her mother for the umpteenth time we arrive. She’s drinking from her thermos and I can smell the vodka on her breath (reminiscent of the DUI she had received some 6 months earlier which I had bailed her out from). I am instructed by her mom to remain in the (car) parking lot and that she’d return with the items.

—-

I wait and one hour goes by, two, three, almost four. I get out and make my way to the jail, the night air greets me with cruel November fingers.

—-

Inside, I find her mom passed out in the waiting room with the items we came for. I do my best and wake her so that we can leave.

—-

We stop and I grab a dinner (I’ll never ate) and a large coffee (for her). We finally get back home and her mom somewhat sobered up leaves.

—-

It’s 1:00 am and I stare at the items before me on the couch (which served as my bed for the past 3 1/2 years) a purse, a bag, a sweater and her laptop. I hold the sweater to my face and I can smell her and fresh warm tears stream down and all us a blur for a bit. This had become a common occurrence lately as her problems seem to have compounded.

—-

I turn on the laptop (per her instructions) as I needed to check emails because I’d have to sell items (on EBay) as I had times before to help make ends meet. Seems, Uncle Sam doesn’t grant social security to semi-permanent or any other persons who are in jail since they’re technically cared for there.

—-

Of course for those in a household needing that income to stay afloat and keep the lights on it poses problems. I look for the email addresses I was instructed (per the note she left me with her mom).

As I finish (it’s nearly 2 now) I know I need to sleep but I can’t.

—-

I look back at the 12 inch screen and think to myself (something that’s been nagging at me) about how much she’d never let me into this laptop pretty much ever unless she was in jail. I start going through folders and my heart stops.

—-

I get bad butterflies and my stomach touches the earth’s core… What follows is very reminiscent of what ended my first marriage. Emails reeking of unfaithfulness. Professions of love to an ex boyfriend of some 20 years ago. A person that she had frequently spoken of as friend and mentioned to me many times.

—-

The betrayal stung like 1000 needles. More warm tears and my mouth agape as I read an email from her mother that made me shake to the very core of my soul.

—-

“I’m beyond happy for you dear. I know you’ve always wanted a true love and now you have a soulmate. It’s only a matter of time until you’re out (precious jail stay). Don’t worry your man will wait. I’m just glad we’re fooling your fiancé. What a fool, he thinks you love him but you can dump him when your soulmate leaves his wife. Don’t worry I’ll pile on the tears and your fiancé will be none the wiser taking care of you and your home and your bills awaiting your arrival home.”

—-

I buckled a little but knuckled down clenching as I closed my eyes and my soul screamed into the abyss. More warm tears. This is it, this is the end, of us….

-aaa

Union

AnthonyLeave a comment

Originally published 03/29/2024

Come to me I am lonely

Come to me be my only

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Come to me with weary soul

Come to me attain control

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Come to me from the start

Come to me and fill your heart

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Come to me generosity in mind

Come to me I’ll return in kind

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Come to me, a painful life

Come to me to lesson strife

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Come to me like stars above

Come to me and be my love

–

Come to me I’m still here

Come to me and it’ll be clear

–

Come to me without any fears

Come to me and remove your tears

–

Come to me no curtsy or bow

Just come to me, our time is now…

-aaa

Adversity (Thoughts Before the Final Divorce 5/18/22)

Anthony24 Comments

What do you do when the well runs dry? When emotions are only anger and love dies

You reach out and communicate as much as possible but nothing changes her she just doesn’t want you anymore

You better youself and try to get stronger and more attractive but it has no effect and she is not impressed at all

what can I do or say to change how she feels and lives as nothing seems to impact her demeanor or how she feels

I’d seel my soul to get her to love me like I loved her that doesn’t work either she’s moved on

We do things but they feel like bones she has to throw rather than something she wants to do

I’d rather not be an obligation to anyone

I’d rather be a choice than an option

How will I go on, with all this hurt and pain

I always will, force of nature or habit, pick one

I love the kids and grandkids

How will I live without them, that’s very possible starts anew for the third time, is beyond sad

I can never get things right in my life always taking the course of highest resistance moving straight up hill forever seemingly

I just want to be a happy fellow and feel fully actualized in my life

To do so I have to build up myself created an infrastructure that has never existed

I have to create foundations pore concrete and lay down the plans for a new life and a new me that is able to be happy even if alone forever

I don’t know how I will do it all alone but I likely will have to and flourish despite the lonliness

I guess I am destined to be alone maybe it is as it should be…..

I will love myself somehow because it’s necessary.

If I don’t, then no one will…..

-aaa 9/20/21

Dreamer of a Reality

Anthony2 Comments

I can taste your color

And it appeals to me

You are like no other

That I have ever seen

–

My heart flutters

When you are near

I’m melting butter

Each time you appear

–

Come closer to me

So I can see your face

An endless sea

Of beauty in place

–

Beautiful hair that’s heaven sent

And stunning eyes that stop my heart

Knowing now what the ‘others’ meant

Truly sets your uniqueness apart

–

I pinch myself am I awake

Or maybe you are just a dream

Feeling you makes my insides ache

Perhaps it’s somewhere in between…

-aaa ❤️‍🔥

Hard Truths

Anthony6 Comments

Recollecting the pasts loves of my life

I mediate and I close my eyes

I can see myself through their eyes

All the love that wasn’t reciprocated

All the deceit and manipulation

And then it hits me like a ton of bricks

They never saw me at all

They never truly knew me we or wanted to

They only knew what they needed and saw me as a means to get there

Knowing is empowerment

I’ll choose better, smarter next time…

-aaa ❤️

Nana Mia I Miss You

Anthony17 Comments

Nana, where have you gone, why did you have to leave?

You were a huge part of my life since I began to breathe.

You left 8 years before your life ended, as the Alzheimer’s and dementia took your beautiful mind/personality/memory and obliterated it all.

You read all of my poetry and writings when I was a child and then as a young adult and you always encouraged me to keep at it. My first fan ❤️😊

Watching you rapidly disappear from yourself was beyond painful. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I know if you had a choice you’d remain forever and I wish you could.

A hideous disease took away your memory of me well before that.

I miss your love and guidance.

I miss your laugh, if I try hard I can still hear it echoing in my mind.

I miss your cooking and ever so slightly broken- English.

I miss your stories of the old country.

I miss your calming energy presence in my life as these past 20 years have been challenging.

I am thankful for all you shared and showed and the mere echo of all of this is nice but nothing compared to your being here.

Thank you for building me up through those awkward horrible teenage years. It took a long time for women to get and frankly most still don’t, but I can hear you still sharply objecting to my self criticism and saying how handsome I was. Thank you for that I always felt like the greatest version of myself when I was around you.

Each time I see someone blog about their grandmother your loss hits me hard again.

So I say to everyone, love the important people in your life because they will not be a part of (in person) forever.

I wish I could hug you one more time and receive what we use to call a “nana kiss” which would leave dents on the jawbone from the shear force. 😂

I never could say goodbye and I never will.

Your love and touches on my life have made the man I am today.

So I thank you and hug you from afar but I cannot lie, it’s nothing compared to hugging you in person.

So “Rosarita Pizza Face” (family nickname) enjoy your eternity (you’ve earned it through love and sacrifice) and your rewards ❤️❤️

-aaa ❤️🌹

Rejection

Anthony3 Comments

What does it feel like?

Tingling dull pains and medium pressure running down to your lower abdomen.

Feeling small amounts of urine trying to escape your bladder.

The pain traces your heart and soul.

Warm heat radiating outwards to infinity.

You can feel these oscillations repeat.

Very warm cheeks as you’re flush feeling like the fool again.

You’ve had this enough times to recognize the patterns.

Someone has to so that others will understand…

-aaa

Obsidian Delight

AnthonyLeave a comment

Obsidian beauty of dark delight let me love you and caress your tenderness.

Let me meet your warmth in turn with mine in a union of desire.

Hold me never let go and I’ll the share never-ending passion until the sun goes out.

Soft inviting lips beckoning soft touches with soft scarlet insides.

Tingles, tickle innards as a flock of butterflies fill a stomach.

Breathless, basked in their warmth, figures entangle with one another.

Knowing not where one begins and the other ends.

A rushing gush of pleasure washes over us as well gently collapse.

Into soft inviting surroundings never letting go of one each other.

Sunlight , basks her inviting features as the lucky lover takes her in.

Eyes never blinking for a moment making a mental etch of her stunning features.

Beauty such is this is typically reserved for the Gods, not mortals like I.

Luck is an understatement as the brilliant raven crosses the room cutting the distance between us all.

She’s mine for the moment and a small eternity can last forever.

With each kiss and touch, a piece of crimson narcissus falls away taking all pain and sadness that was in the wake…

-aaa :-)(-;

Sweet Sleep Surrender

Anthony6 Comments

Feel me, I am near you

Whisper and I’ll hear you

–

Share those secrets with me

Then let go and be free

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Time will slow down, you needn’t worry

The universe doesn’t make us to hurry

–

Let’s enjoy our silver lining

Meeting in divine timing

–

The wait we endured has been too long

Any longer and our story would be a song

–

Through thick and thin clichés galore

Do stay longer and I’ll think of more

–

Just hold me tight and never let go

Even if the advanced hour tells you so

–

As the night deepens, you finally rest

Laying your soft head on my chest

–

I feel my heart start to soar

As you gently snore

–

Breathing soft and safe at last

From the horrors of your past

–

I finally close my eyes and drift away

Before the evening turns to day

–

I won’t move an inch as you gently sleep

For I know its relief is peaceful and deep

–

Blackness now surrounds this bed

As I drift away and lay back my head

-aaa

The Right One

Anthony1 Comment

The right one is just like home a safe harbor to anchor your life.

The right one will see, greatness that you. will eventually come to know for yourself.

The right one will help you unlock the doors that you thought could never be opened.

The right one will help you ignite that spark that somewhere long ago you thought you’d lost forever.

The right one will what to say when you need to hear it no matter how difficult.

The right one will share grow and touch your deepest thoughts meeting them with their own.

The right one will understand without question and with heartfelt compassion.

The right one will see your weaknesses and help you overcome them.

The right one will help you transcend your most difficult traumas.

The right one sees your potential and shortcomings and sticks with you even if you repeatedly fall or fail.

The right one will take your tears for strength and purify them for you.

The right one will forever transform your perceptions and life itself.

The right one will bring you back to the self you were meant to be…

-aaa ❤️

❤️Quantumess❤️

Anthony4 Comments

If I saw you right now what would I say.

If there were song for it what would I play?

–

If time were under control how would we clock.

If music were our favorite how would we rock?

–

If light is a relative thing how do we shine.

If hearts are to hold why not mine?

–

If challenge of change makes me burn 🔥.

Is the price of wisdom worth the spurn?

–

If the heartbreak was required.

Why wasn’t she mired?

–

If love is for the all.

Why wouldn’t she fall?

–

If growth is great and fear is small.

Did you just master walking tall?

–

I think it’s worth the price of purest gold.

To perfectly align with half of a soul… ❤️

-aaa

E-Dating Disaster

Anthony2 Comments

Not quite here or there

Not quite anywhere

–

Different than most of the guys

Wishing one was easier on the eyes

–

Moulded out of a cast thrown away

Feeling more and more like it every day

–

Looking for Yang to the yin in the stars

Always coming up short as who we are

–

Dozens of girls chats and dates

Always leaving with empty plates

–

Excuses fakes and stories abound

Can an honest woman be found?

–

Eharmony and Yahoo dating too

Is anyone real looking for you?

–

Cook, pay, wine and dine as we meet

Yet finding a match is more like a fete

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Frustrations abound eyes water and sog

Maybe just give up and get a dog

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Most men on these sites just want sex

Leaving dating potentials emotional wrecks

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Looking for a ‘hookup’ is all they want

A roll in the hay and sexual jaunt

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So not only just chew the fat

But also prove to be better than that

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With weary hand to wetted eye

Hands to face the frustrated cry

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It shouldn’t have to be this hard

Finding love with them on guard

–

But until remain like a frustrated muggle

In a world of magicians, a constant struggle

-01100001011000010110000100001010 (aaa)

PEACEFUL HAPPINESS (After the Divorce)

Anthony9 Comments
(2/10/22 – 11-10-22)

*Lying still in silent embracing of thought

*Warm notions gently wash over a weary mind

*Kindness fills up until bubbling over

*Sadness, gone and not chosen

*Solely, the greatest remain

*Warming heart beats, and loves with passion

*Strong/seasoned with extensive use

*Wisdom comes forward replacing pain

*Compassion is present replacing hate

*Patience and forgiveness applied in abundance quietly inside

*Grace filled will all the love that it can hold

*This is living, now, eyes closed drifting blissfully…

-aaa 😊

Daily Answer Post # 37

Anthony1 Comment

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

This is a more difficult question for me to answer. I was in a situation where I was forced to not act out of an agreement with my ex-wife and I had to endure some terrible things in front of me and not act on them.

You see, before we got together or got married, my ex-wife made me promise that no matter what happened with her kids and her that I was not to interfere, ever have her to contend with.

My ex middle stepson would suffer bouts of narcissistic rage brought on by damage to his head caused by an accident when he was five and bipolar disorder combined. These resulted in some very scary events that I was not allowed to act on and I’m gonna share one now.

I believe the argument was over shoes. my daughters best friend was dating my ex stepson and I guess she was jealous over some shoes that my stepdaughter had gotten that she didn’t have.

My ex stepson acted like the enforcer and basically got into a physical confrontation with my ex-wife. He head butted her and pushed her on the ground and of course she got furious and attacked him, and I had to stand there and watch it and not act otherwise she would’ve attacked me. I wanted to jump in do badly and felt so helpless watching the terror unfold. 

Not a good arrangement I would advise No one ever agree to an arrangement like that if they ever get married. No violence should be tolerated from anyone. Being asked to ignore it while it’s happening in front of you is the worst kind of torture.

Do I regret that I didn’t act?? You’re damn right I do. it killed me to see that happen and it happened like five different times I should’ve just called the cops and had him arrested for it. Hindsight being 2020 but that’s the same for all of us.

Violence is never the answer to anything, and if you are in a relationship where violence is a common occurrence, be it with your partner, or your partner’s children/family you should just get out of that relationship and never look back. Toxic and traumatic experiences such as these and may lead to years of therapy from PTSD or worse.

-aaa

Divine Timing Love Happens (Just not Right Away for Some)

Anthony9 Comments

One day we’ll grow old together

Put our pieces each in place

Share many years through all weather

And each the wrinkles on our face

–

Finding adventure each unfurled

Dancing to our very own beat

Many travels all over the world

Excitement lies before our feet

–

No matter the time your eyes are the same

Your smile hasn’t changed at all

I’m smitten that is to blame

And every day in love I fall

–

I manifest your existence

Each night in my dreams

My true love persistence

Is more than it seems

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One day our story will come to be

And we’ll be the envy of others

A new standard for all to see

When our dream life uncovers

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Holding hands on porch swing

Watching the evening pass

Fly high on passion’s wing

With many great times to amass

–

We’re never too old to find a love of our lives

I’m 52 and I’m well on my way

Despite my two and a half ex wives

All my lessons learned and used here today

–

Synchronies daily often appear

11:11, 1:11, 3:33, and 2:22

All conformation a great future is near

And these numbers portend, well, you

–

When this happens, brightly clear

A divinely timed union we’ll be

As it happens I’ll blog it right here

Giving hope for all the world to see…

-aaa

Thank You

Anthony3 Comments

Thank you for teaching me what love is not

Thank you for poisoning my every thought

Thank you for continuously using me

Thank you for emotionally abusing me

–

Thank you for not being generous to me

Thank you for taking advantage of all that you’d see

Thank you for mental slaps with a white glove

Thank you for teaching me I had unconditional love

–

Thank you for showing me all your hate

Thank you for showing me my own strength and faith

Thank you for doubting my every word

Thank you for demonstrating to me the absurd

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Thank you for weaponizing love and sex

Thank you for empty accounts and bouncing checks

Thank you for the emasculations you gave

Thank you for the respect you’d never save

–

Thank you for not being in my life

Thank you for no longer being my wife

Thank you for the dog and pony

And thank you for that alimony…

-aaa

The Escape List

Anthony11 Comments

Below is my brainstorm list along with reassurances to myself as I prepared to make a grand exodus out of the most toxic relationship of my entire life. Planned and executed over just 8 days…(February 2022).

Todo for New Life

-Get new bank acct.

-Make arrangements for direct deposit for final checks to go there.

-Get passport.

-Speak to LDSS see if the writing gig can continue.

-interview for job at Joel’s work.

-order new debit card for current acct.

-notify post office to close PO Box.

-cash $250 check from mom and pop for bd to get to Cali.

-refill all prescriptions that I can.

-pack suitcase and gym bag for trip.

-leave Thursday night if at all possible or early Friday.

-Try and get close to 5k altogether, see if you can bill a lot for final LDSS check.

-New cell service, or sim and new #.

-Car insurance.

-Register car in Cali.

-pay Feb car pmt.

-change address for LDSS and NHV.

-change address for BofA.

-build 2 laptops for Pima.

-tell Curtis that Pap wants their desktop back build new LAS?

-turn in door card at gym.

-breathe it’s going to be ok, everything is.

4 days to go, man, you got this!!!!!

-aaa

Together At Last, My Ideal Manifestation

Anthony4 Comments

I know you so well I know your taste.

That ecstasy contorted look on your face.

–

I know your beautiful scent.

Destinations we came and went.

–

New adventures of pleasures await.

Passport for passions with an ideal mate.

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Covered in kisses if you desire.

Bodies entwined in instant fire.

–

Any request that you want to make.

Fulfilled with as much as you can take.

–

Share with me a deep embrace.

Not a single moment goes to waste.

–

Chasing dreams just you and me.

The way it was supposed to be.

–

We met on a random distant shore.

Understanding how it didn’t work out before.

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Karmic lessons of our pasts.

Relationships that didn’t last.

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All don’t matter wow.

As we’re together now.

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It’s all no sudden wonder.

That we manifested each other.

–

Now silently together in a soft bed.

I caress a weary head.

–

Your breathing is very deep.

We drift together off to sleep.

-aaa