Restarting one’s life is quite hard
The hardest thing that you can do
Some great effort in this regard
Drives us mad before we are through
As we start everything anew
Moving, new job, new home, and all
Pondering how the past years flew
Before taking such a hard fall…
-AAA 01/15/2024
For some of us, there are no happy endings
No twenty year anniversaries to celebrate
Instead, divorces with alimonies pending
Leaves us remaining of in a frazzled state.
–
Some were high school sweethearts
Or college friends from long ago
Many of which lead to two happy hearts
While the rest of us are just status quo.
–
What did we do that was so wrong?
To end up with such gruesome loves
I guess we sang to a different song
With circling vultures instead of doves.
–
We try our best to not have envy
Watching you all celebrate
Hold it together as best we can be
Looking only to ourselves, to appreciate.
–
A pure love that we all read about
That is what your lives have shown
Selflessness and sacrifice in large amount
Those things, from others, we’ve never known.
–
So please remember us, solitary souls
As your anniversary years accrue
As we’re finding all the answers alone
Remember, you’re lucky, that someone truly loves you…
-AAA 05/17/2024
Originally Published 05/17/2024
Sky blue you left me
Lying in an empty bed
Resting all alone.
Painful tears run down my face
For a love that never was…
-AAA/MAD 10/6/24
All
things
must
come
to
an
end.
So,
gladly,
we
said
our
goodbyes
forever…
-AAA 10/01/2024
Every week, a creative prompt will be offered for you to unleash your imagination and artistic skills.
You can share your response in the form of art or any creative expression that the prompt inspires.
There are no restrictions and no deadlines, so feel free to take your time and enjoy the creative process.
Remember to label your response with #missysmadchallenge.
Your challenge for the week
The Very Last Time
The very last time
I saw your face in person
I didn’t feel sad
I had finally moved on
You had moved on, on day one.
–
The very last time
I spoke to you on the phone
Wasn’t very bad
We agreed on divorce terms
And even laughed a few times.
–
The very last time
I saw an image of you
You looked very old
We both aged a lot through this
Hopefully now a relief…
-AAA 09/16/2024
You have no right
To recuse me dear
Bark was worse than the bite
I call your bluff, now and here.
–
Your words don’t carry
Do give it all up
You’re no longer scary
Just leave with your cup.
–
You are so insane
I truly pity you
With a damaged brain
And you’re toxic too.
–
Don’t ever seek me out
No goodbyes were needed
Stand pat, serious and stout
All warnings are heeded.
–
Far away from me
Just go live your life
Deranged as can be
Another sucker’s wife…
-AAA 08/31/2024
Originally Published 04/29/2024
What do you do when the well runs dry? When emotions are only anger and love dies
You reach out and communicate as much as possible but nothing changes her she just doesn’t want you anymore
You better youself and try to get stronger and more attractive but it has no effect and she is not impressed at all
what can I do or say to change how she feels and lives as nothing seems to impact her demeanor or how she feels
I’d seel my soul to get her to love me like I loved her that doesn’t work either she’s moved on
We do things but they feel like bones she has to throw rather than something she wants to do
I’d rather not be an obligation to anyone
I’d rather be a choice than an option
How will I go on, with all this hurt and pain
I always will, force of nature or habit, pick one
I love the kids and grandkids
How will I live without them, that’s very possible starts anew for the third time, is beyond sad
I can never get things right in my life always taking the course of highest resistance moving straight up hill forever seemingly
I just want to be a happy fellow and feel fully actualized in my life
To do so I have to build up myself created an infrastructure that has never existed
I have to create foundations pore concrete and lay down the plans for a new life and a new me that is able to be happy even if alone forever
I don’t know how I will do it all alone but I likely will have to and flourish despite the lonliness
I guess I am destined to be alone maybe it is as it should be…..
I will love myself somehow because it’s necessary.
If I don’t, then no one will…..
-aaa 9/20/21
What can I do
What can I say
I knew we were through
On that winter day.
–
Our love has long gone
For the both of us
From day one we were wrong
I guess we missed our bus.
–
There were no goodbyes
No fond farewells spoken
We did our separate cries
Since we were irreparably broken.
–
Innocent others
got caught up in our mess
Children, sisters, and brothers
Were hurt, I confess.
–
They didn’t understand
That she and I were wrong
The ending was at hand
The end of our song.
–
Breakups are messy things
We go our separate ways
Feeling all of those stings
Which go one for days.
–
Thinking of a better tomorrow
Is all that we can do
After we clear the sorrow
And new things come into view.
–
So anyone who’s hurting
Needn’t worry about the past
One day all get their deserving
When all is done and passed…
-AAA 08/15/2024
Originally Published 04/21/2024
Thank you for teaching me what love is not
Thank you for poisoning my every thought
Thank you for continuously using me
Thank you for emotionally abusing me
–
Thank you for not being generous to me
Thank you for taking advantage of all that you’d see
Thank you for mental slaps with a white glove
Thank you for teaching me I had unconditional love
–
Thank you for showing me all your hate
Thank you for showing me my own strength and faith
Thank you for doubting my every word
Thank you for demonstrating to me the absurd
–
Thank you for weaponizing love and sex
Thank you for empty accounts and bouncing checks
Thank you for the emasculations you gave
Thank you for the respect you’d never save
–
Thank you for not being in my life
Thank you for no longer being my wife
Thank you for the dog and pony
And thank you for that alimony…
-aaa
It’s over
It’s done now
A done deal
I see how.
–
You cheated
The whole time
Disbelief
You’re a slime.
–
Just to think
I felt bad
In my guilt
It’s so sad.
–
I realize
After this
There’s nothing
That I miss.
–
All your lies
And gaslights
Half told truths
Restless nights.
–
It’s in vain
Nothing saved
You laid down
Bye I waved.
–
Now happy?
All alone
Bills and debts
On your own.
–
Hope you think
As you pray
Was it worth
All those lays???
-AAA 07/19/2024
Life with you was the purest hell
For the time with you I’d dwell
No longer trapped in your prison cell
I stopped buying the bullshit you’d sell
As I had rather disliked its smell
Free from the bounds of alimony as well
Much happier as you can tell
Beyond glad I broke your spell
Picked myself up from where I fell
Living my best life as all things gel…
-aaa
Today I no longer owe any more alimony to my ex-wife. I feel so amazing. It’s like getting an $800 a month raise which I am. These past two years I had to pay went by so fast.
It’s a long story. It’s not a great story or a fair one but nonetheless, it’s one that’s coming to an end, today.
In honor of my most recent divorce (I have 1.5 other ones) I have a poem. I’m submitting below. It’s a palindrome poem because those are very challenging and again I’m not saying I don’t endorse the institution of marriage but for me it’s over forever.
As always, thanks for reading.
-aaa
Marriage is Hell is Marriage
Marriage is hell
Husbands manipulate wives
Honesty without commitments in
relationships
In commitments without honesty
Wives manipulate husbands
Hell is marriage
-aaa
For some of us, there are no happy endings
No twenty year anniversaries to celebrate
Instead, divorces with alimonies pending
Leaves us remaining of in a frazzled state.
–
Some were high school sweethearts
Or college friends from long ago
Many of which lead to two happy hearts
While the rest of us are just status quo.
–
What did we do that was so wrong?
To end up with such gruesome loves
I guess we sang to a different song
With circling vultures instead of doves.
–
We try our best to not have envy
Watching you all celebrate
Hold it together as best we can be
Looking only to ourselves, to appreciate.
–
A pure love that we all read about
That is what your lives have shown
Selflessness and sacrifice in large amount
Those things, from others, we’ve never known.
–
So please remember us, solitary souls
As your anniversary years accrue
As we’re finding all the answers alone
Remember, you’re lucky, that someone truly loves you…
-AAA 05/17/2024
What do you do when the well runs dry? When emotions are only anger and love dies
You reach out and communicate as much as possible but nothing changes her she just doesn’t want you anymore
You better youself and try to get stronger and more attractive but it has no effect and she is not impressed at all
what can I do or say to change how she feels and lives as nothing seems to impact her demeanor or how she feels
I’d seel my soul to get her to love me like I loved her that doesn’t work either she’s moved on
We do things but they feel like bones she has to throw rather than something she wants to do
I’d rather not be an obligation to anyone
I’d rather be a choice than an option
How will I go on, with all this hurt and pain
I always will, force of nature or habit, pick one
I love the kids and grandkids
How will I live without them, that’s very possible starts anew for the third time, is beyond sad
I can never get things right in my life always taking the course of highest resistance moving straight up hill forever seemingly
I just want to be a happy fellow and feel fully actualized in my life
To do so I have to build up myself created an infrastructure that has never existed
I have to create foundations pore concrete and lay down the plans for a new life and a new me that is able to be happy even if alone forever
I don’t know how I will do it all alone but I likely will have to and flourish despite the lonliness
I guess I am destined to be alone maybe it is as it should be…..
I will love myself somehow because it’s necessary.
If I don’t, then no one will…..
-aaa 9/20/21
Thank you for teaching me what love is not
Thank you for poisoning my every thought
Thank you for continuously using me
Thank you for emotionally abusing me
–
Thank you for not being generous to me
Thank you for taking advantage of all that you’d see
Thank you for mental slaps with a white glove
Thank you for teaching me I had unconditional love
–
Thank you for showing me all your hate
Thank you for showing me my own strength and faith
Thank you for doubting my every word
Thank you for demonstrating to me the absurd
–
Thank you for weaponizing love and sex
Thank you for empty accounts and bouncing checks
Thank you for the emasculations you gave
Thank you for the respect you’d never save
–
Thank you for not being in my life
Thank you for no longer being my wife
Thank you for the dog and pony
And thank you for that alimony…
-aaa
Below is my brainstorm list along with reassurances to myself as I prepared to make a grand exodus out of the most toxic relationship of my entire life. Planned and executed over just 8 days…(February 2022).
Todo for New Life
-Get new bank acct.
-Make arrangements for direct deposit for final checks to go there.
-Get passport.
-Speak to LDSS see if the writing gig can continue.
-interview for job at Joel’s work.
-order new debit card for current acct.
-notify post office to close PO Box.
-cash $250 check from mom and pop for bd to get to Cali.
-refill all prescriptions that I can.
-pack suitcase and gym bag for trip.
-leave Thursday night if at all possible or early Friday.
-Try and get close to 5k altogether, see if you can bill a lot for final LDSS check.
-New cell service, or sim and new #.
-Car insurance.
-Register car in Cali.
-pay Feb car pmt.
-change address for LDSS and NHV.
-change address for BofA.
-build 2 laptops for Pima.
-tell Curtis that Pap wants their desktop back build new LAS?
-turn in door card at gym.
-breathe it’s going to be ok, everything is.
4 days to go, man, you got this!!!!!
-aaa
Anthony’s Crazy Love and Life Lessons in Empathy 